Escape Krasnir
by cinqueda
Summary: Just randomness I wrote during a school project, just a bit of fun not worth taking to seriously, rated T for some gore I think, I don't even remember.


OK, hi everyone, this is actually a school thing from a few years ago, for year 12 English which is the same as form 6, I think it was called "Krasnir" (but I really can't remember) and it was basically you were given a vague scenario and allowed to flesh it out however you wanted…so this is what I did…hope you enjoy, or at least are able to tolerate it…

Day 1

Touchfire the doctor of warlockery (with a major in burning things, and a minor in turning animate objects inanimate, turned invisible and used his vast knowledge of making animate objects inanimate to turn the guard of the empty room, and the guard of the food room to stone, Calypso calmly and methodically lops the heads off the petrified guards off and catches them before they hit the ground, so as not to wake any of the sleeping guards or alert the guard dogs. While Calypso performs the decapitation, as ethically as she can, Ambas, the butt of many racist comments due to his skin colour (green) infiltrated the food storage and wine cellar and stocked up a few bags of provisions, Once Ambas and Calypso's jobs had both been performed we tossed the (now human) heads to the guard dogs, and walked past unscathed, I considered killing all the guards, but decided the priority was to escape with the chest contents. We climbed through the secret tunnel in darkness; we emerged to see daylight for the first time since what seemed like an age. A guard's back was facing us, easy target. We walked past the body, its face contorted in a mixture of pain, surprise and rage. His mandible split in half and his clavicles both puncturing his throat, and intercepting each other in the middle, perhaps not the most pleasant death, But definitely one of the quickest. The steep path was our next "challenge" if it is even worthy of that definition, it was boring trip so I will skip the details. We arrived at the top of the cliff, the pile of dead guards littering the bottom of the cliff was a sorry sight, but not important to this story.

Day 2

We have set camp in the mountain tops it is freezing, and Calypso has warned us she will not engage in any battles lest her sword should snap and she would become even more useless to us, which would be a problem, because if she was any more useless to us, she'd be a hindrance. A Loud howl resounds through the mountain tops and many large darks shops attacked, they seemed focused on the troll. Being a boneheaded foolhardy masochist, Ambas ran into the middle, how unfortunate, "Touchfire burn his living carcass and cremate those oversized rodents, I'll be in my tent." It was a bit cold hearted, but the ends justify the means. The pack mu-I mean dwarf is complaining about his life in general, I told him to go cut his wrists, and made Touchfire petrify his mouth. No more annoying dwarf speech.

Day 3

As we start playing paper scissors rock to choose who stays. Touchfire tames a random warg with little petty magic tricks, (note: I deliberately chose this warg, it had good dental hygiene. I rowed the boat first as the wizard steered, the warg and chest with battle plans ride with us, once we arrive the warg is told to protect the chest, the wizard and I row back to fetch calypso, the fat thing and a bag of provisions, as I rowed I pondered how should come across first, to my great joy I found I would not have to choose, the dwarf had been sliced into thin slices...Calypso's sword was a little bloody...but I wasn't about to ask any questions, we rowed back across and used our recently attained Dwarf tataki to train our pet warg (who I have named Skiringssul, after something in Norwegian. I don't know why.) our warg can now; "sit", "lie down", "roll over", "kill someone/thing quickly", "kill someone/thing painfully", and "rearrange someone/things entire skeletal structure so that the coccyx replaces the nose, each half of the pelvis replaces an ear and the two patella replace the eyeballs, WITHOUT killing the someone/thing" on command, he also learnt to use a knife and fork, even without opposable thumbs. We were running short on time...and erm, "doggy treats"...so we continued onwards.

Day 4

A large dragon stood in front of us as we ventured through the stony dessert, but because I am even more prejudiced against dwarves and trolls than dragons, we had none with us, so the dragon who hated only dwarves and trolls ignored us as we passed, but because the stupid pre-set storyline (which has prevented me from fulfilling many of my objectives in writing this story) requires someone to get injured here, Calypso being a stereotypical blonde left the safety catch on her sword off (I don't even know how that works -.- just get a damn sheath, seriously), so unfortunately when she tripped over one of the many pebbles...what an idiot, we're in the "stony dessert" and she's wearing heels? anyway, as she tripped up because she'd left the safety...Touchfire decided she was stupid and gave her a quick cremation...what a kind man, not everyone he burns gets properly cremated you know. Anyway we continued on to the forest of hags or something like that.

Day5

As we walk through the forest of haag (not hags, my mistake) a booming voice echoed throughout the forest "Touchfire! You and I have a score to settle!" (cliché...what a retard, I bet you he's unemployed and watches old school re runs of...some show I have no idea ever existed in the first play all day) Touchfire responded "and what do you plan to do with these children? (Children? just because I don't have a white beard that gets caught between my legs and trips me up like a certain someone I'm a children?) They have no part in our battle!" To which Nehemath replied the will stay in the forest until you or I die!" at which point I broke Touchfire's neck "Touchfire is dead!" I yelled, "We're leaving now." And we returned to Slinsil...and lived happily ever after...well Skiringssul and I did...I taught heaps of useful tricks, my favourite is the "doggy treat collection" that's right I taught him how to make dwarf tataki...

The End.

So that was what I wrote…I don't think it was marked…probably lucky enough, feel free to leave a review, this is a one shot, I can't see any reason to write further on this…and although this is my first upload, no need to hold back, I'm not particularly proud of it, it was just fun to write, and pass the time spent in the classroom…


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